Stand as A Witness

Kids, I know you are aware of the back problems I've had over the past 3 1/2 months.  This has been a difficult and significant experience for me in many ways--an experience I felt I needed to document for myself--and you.  So I have taken the time to write it down, and now I will share it with you.  Sorry about the length.  :)

Stand As A Witness

In March, right before we left on our trip to Mississippi, I hurt my back.  I’m not sure what happened.  It was a Saturday night.  I was trying to stretch my lower back, and I felt like something wasn’t quite right.  The next day, my back began to hurt.  Each day the pain worsened.  By Thursday morning, I was in a lot of pain.  But by Thursday evening, the pain began to lessen.   Each day seemed to get a little better.

When we got home from Mississippi, I called first thing Monday morning to get in with Allison at Proactive Physical Therapy.  By this time my back was still bothering me—but not terribly.  She tried to help me for about 2 ½ weeks.  But I really didn’t experience any improvement.  She told me I should probably get in to see a doctor.  She consulted with Dr. Mindy Siegal and they recommended I go see an orthopaedic doctor named James Bee.  Also, Brandon Goss had recently had some severe back pain and had gone to see a chiropractor.  The chiropractor had really helped him.  So I made appointments with both doctors to see which one would be best. 

I got into the chiropractor first.  He really thought he could help me.  I told him my main concern was that I needed to be ready for Aaron’s Camp in two months—where I would be working as a camp cook.  He said he’d have me ready to go.  After being treated by him for a couple weeks, I decided to cancel my appointment with the orthopaedic doctor—mainly for financial reasons.  I continued with chiropractic care for two months.  But my pain never went completely away.  As Aaron’s Camp approached, I became more concerned. 

On Friday, June 6^th, I tried a stretch that the chiropractor wanted me to do.  I didn’t feel anything wrong while I was doing it, but right after my back began to hurt again.  All day long it kept getting worse.  I was really getting worried—because I was going up to Camp Firewalker with the cooks the next morning to take up a big load of food and get things set up for camp.  I knew there would be a lot of lifting, etc. that needed to be done.  So Friday night I asked Dad for a priesthood blessing.  In the beginning of the blessing he talked about faith.  This was comforting to me—because I thought I just needed to exercise my faith in order to be healed.  But towards the end of the blessing he said some things that made me think that maybe I was not going to be healed.

When I woke up the next morning, I knew I was in trouble.  I was experiencing a lot of pain—just like when I first injured my back.  I was devastated.  My whole goal was to be better by Aaron’s Camp.  And now, the day of, my back was worse than ever.  All I could think was “why?”  Why is this happening now?  I knew that even under the best of circumstances I needed to be in good physical shape for camp—that it was going to be very demanding.  And I knew I couldn’t back out at this late date—we were already one cook short.  What was I going to do?  I cried all morning as I got ready to go.

I met the other cooks at Sams Club at 7:15 a.m.  There were other people there to help load the food into the large truck.  Then we drove up to camp.  I did pretty good.  And there was plenty of help up at camp to unload the van.  So I mainly just helped organize food on shelves and in refrigerators and freezers.  And since I experienced the least amount of pain while standing and walking, I did really well.  But the ride back home, which was about two hours, was hard.  The last hour was painful.

So I had Saturday evening and all day Sunday to think about my situation.  Again, I just kept wondering why this had to happen.  It was just kind of a fluke that I reinjured my back.  And I kept thinking, “Heavenly Father, why did you allow this to happen?  You could have very easily prevented this.  Why didn’t you?”    

At some point, I don’t remember exactly when, I had this distinct thought come into my mind:  “It didn’t have to happen to Alma’s people in Helam either.”  I am very familiar with this story in Mosiah 24.  But I went directly to the scriptures to read it again.  There were several things that struck me—several parallels to my own situation.

First, it’s true--the trial that Alma’s people experienced didn’t have to happen either.  Alma and his people had fled their homes to a new land so they could worship as the pleased.  They were a righteous people who were prospering in the land of Helam.  And then an army of Lamanites, who were searching for Amulon and the wicked priests of King Noah, had become lost in the wilderness.  As they were trying to find their way back home, they simply stumbled upon Alma and his people.  They promised Alma that if he would show them how to get back home, they would grant them their lives and liberty.  But the Lamanites lied.  As soon as Alma had shown them how to return to the land of Nephi, they put guards around the city and placed Alma and his people in bondage.

As I thought about this, I knew that God could have easily protected Alma and his people.  He could have kept them hidden from the Lamanites.  They were righteous and deserving of His protection.  So the question is, why didn’t He?  I thought that maybe the answer to this question might be the answer to my situation as well.

In the midst of their difficult afflictions, this is what the Lord said to them:

“And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.”

And there’s the answer.  God created this situation on purpose so that Alma and his people would have an experience that would strengthen their testimony of the great truth that God has covenanted with his people that He would visit, strengthen, and help them in their trials and afflictions.  Understanding that purpose changes everything.  For me, there is great power in knowing and understanding that a difficult situation is not just simply bad luck—but it’s actually an experience God has specifically created for you so that you can learn to more fully rely upon Him and learn some lessons that are absolutely critical for your spiritual growth.  This knowledge completely changed how I needed to go forward and deal with my challenge.

Something else I learned is the importance of covenants.  Access to the enabling power of the Atonement is made more fully possible through the making and keeping of covenants.  “Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.”  This part of the scripture provided me with confidence and hope.  I know that I am far from perfect.  And I know that there is still a lot of room for me to improve in keeping the covenants I have made.  But I know that I am trying.  And because I am trying, it gave me confidence to ask for the promised help and strength. 

Here’s one more thing I learned.  Alma and his people submitted cheerfully and with patience to this trial.  And because they did, the Lord made their burdens light.  “The Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.”  In the beginning, their circumstances did not change—but their ability to deal with their challenges did.  This scripture directed me as to what I needed to focus on during Aaron’s Camp.  I needed to exercise my faith in God’s will—and do so with patience and cheerfulness.  This became my plan.

And just as a side note—I thought it was interesting that as my problem was with my back, that the Lord made reference to our backs—even though it was more symbolic of the burdens we carry.  “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage.”  That phrase really caught my attention. 

So Monday morning, at 7:15 a.m., I again met some of the cooks at Sams Club.  We took up another load of food, and I didn’t stop working until about 10:00 a.m. the following Saturday.  As cooks, we were up at 4:30 a.m. every morning.  And we were on our feet and working hard until about 8:30 or 9:00 almost every night.  And guess what?  I did great!  My back pain wasn’t removed, but I was strengthened to accomplish everything I needed to do.  And I did so with a peace and cheerfulness that was wonderful.  I loved my experience at Aaron’s Camp.  I loved being up there with Dad and watching Dallin as he led the camp.  It was one of the hardest things I have done—and also one of the most rewarding.

Another way I was strengthened was with my sleep.  I usually need at least 7-8 hours of sleep each night.  Not only were we getting up at 4:30 every morning, but I had a very difficult time sleeping at night.  Not only did my back hurt, but for some reason I had an additional problem with my right hand falling asleep.  It kept waking me up all night long, and I had a hard time finding a position where I could get relief.  But again, even with the lack of sleep, I was able to keep going all day long without a lot of fatigue.

Another testament to me that I was strengthened and blessed by God is because of the pain I have experienced since returning from Aaron’s Camp.  The past four weeks have been miserable.  I have been in a lot of pain, and it has made it nearly impossible to accomplish any task—especially those that involve sitting down.  At one point I was getting really discouraged.  We had the sister missionaries over dinner.  After dinner, they shared a thought with us, as they usually do.  Sister Clark said she felt impressed to share an experience and scripture with us.  She said she was given a priesthood blessing.  In the blessing she was directed to study the story in Mosiah 24.  She went on to explain what this story has meant to her.  Then she asked, “Have any of you had any personal experiences with this story?”  (Coincidence?  I think not!) I shared my experience at Aaron’s Camp.  This was good for me.  It let me know that Heavenly Father was still mindful of me.  He was reminding me of my experience and encouraging me to continue in faith, patience, and cheerfulness.

On the Monday morning following camp, I called the orthopaedic surgeon.  But it took a week to get in to see him.  Then it took another nine days to get in for an MRI.  Then it took another five days to see the doctor for the MRI results.  The MRI confirmed I have a bulging disc sitting on a nerve.  We decided to try cortisone shots before surgery.  So this past Thursday, I received a cortisone shot.  After the shot I experienced additional pain—but by that afternoon I was feeling a little better.  Friday was a little bit better again.  And Saturday was wonderful!  Most of the day I had no pain at all!  Today, Sunday, I’m a little sore.  But it may be because of all the things I did yesterday—because I could!

So, we’ll see what happens.  I may have to get another cortisone shot.  And hopefully this will be a solution that will last for a long time.  But regardless, like Alma’s people, I want to stand as a witness to you, my children, that the unique burdens in our lives help us to rely upon the mercy, grace, and power of our Savior.  I testify that it is through the making and keeping of sacred covenants that we more fully access the enabling power of the Atonement.  And I know that it is through this power our Savior helps us bear up our burdens with ease.  I have put this quote in my scriptures by Mosiah 24:

George Q. Cannon:  "When we went forth into the waters of baptism and covenanted with our Father in Heaven to serve Him and keep His commandments, He bound Himself also by covenant to us that He would never desert us, never leave us to ourselves, never forget us, that in the midst of trials and hardships, when everything was arrayed against us, He would be near unto us and would sustain us.  That was His covenant." (Gospel Truth, Salt Lake City, 1974, 134)

I know this to be true.  How grateful I am for my Savior and the redeeming and enabling powers of the Atonement that He extends to all of us.  He never leaves us alone.  And He never lets us down.  This is my witness.